i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
