did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
