Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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