And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
