so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
