I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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