So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
