sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize