so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
