i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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