Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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