It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
