put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
