I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
