My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
