No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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