I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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