Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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