the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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