see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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