i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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