New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BRING THE BAGELS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
