My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize