it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
