Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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