Your face is a jimmy john
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
