so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
