please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if i died would you start the facebook group?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
