I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
