my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i was born a porn star she said
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
