im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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