I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
