1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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