u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
