gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
