you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the condom got lost in my hair
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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