respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
