i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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