The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
