Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
