half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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