I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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