she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
