im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just want nice things and good sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
