I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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