I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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