please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
