I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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