Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
