I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They left me at home... I'm a liability
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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