Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize