someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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