i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i came on her dog
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
