can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
