So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize