You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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