Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
