i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
