Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
