Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
