Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
