you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
