The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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