the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
