Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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