guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
