In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
