Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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