YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
