you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
